are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
