You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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