I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
