I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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