You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
