why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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