he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize