This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
