I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
