i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
