i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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