Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
