So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize