I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
