So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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