I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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