those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
