Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
