smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
