i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize