i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
