Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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