arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize