Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the raccoons are back...
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