I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
