i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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