I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
