Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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