I wish my penis had an off switch
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
