I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
