You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
