I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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