Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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