Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize