how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
