she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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