oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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