I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
