She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
