Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
