dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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