you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
