i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
