Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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