try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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