you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
