I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
