she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize