In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
