You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Randomize
