I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
