so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
