Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
