I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
