Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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