God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
