i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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