i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
