I faked an abortion last night.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
