I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Non-Jews are for practice
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
