i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
