i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
