Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
