i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
