so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In America we eat man semen.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
