yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize