After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
