wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
