the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
PANTIES FOUND
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