I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize