Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
