why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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