we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
