I cannot find my penis.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
