I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
