Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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