a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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