life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
