I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
