she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
