Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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