just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All the doctor said was why
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
