I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
