My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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