all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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