i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As shirtless as possible
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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