I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
