Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
