you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
