btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
