i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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