Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
