I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
