i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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