I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
