GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize