She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
