My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
