absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
