i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
