names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
