who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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