i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
