dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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