You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
