Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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